Sad

Three letters that never meant so much as they do now.

It's hard to describe pain of the heart and pain of the soul. It exists like a thing rather to be forgotten than alive and well.

I fear.

I fear that he will not deliver me from pain. That I shall wait endlessly for him in the expanse. I feel numb when I think of it. Somethings are better left unsaid. He says he cannot imagine me as I am now and yet here I am. But he is not around to bear witness. No sleeping is what I should be doing. And I will. I will sleep because sleep is my only salvation in these troubled times. Soon very soon I shall begin with the pain again. It will make me restless and unpredictable. But I shall endure as I have always done. I will not resort to the physical pain that I can inflict on myself because he wishes it to not happen. I will do as he wishes. For the time being.